This post I wrote a few weeks ago, but have been scared to hit publish on. This is me stepping out of my comfort zone and leaning into faith and my Father (what the post is about) and it’s hard and scary…but I need to do it in order to grow, so here goes.
I have been struggling internally with some things lately and have done my best to take it to God, but it’s been hard. In learning about the Enneagram I’ve learned some things about myself…some things that are hard to hear and some things that that make complete sense as to why I do things the way I do. Anyways…I am a Type 9 through and through and apparently Type 9’s do not deal with their feelings very well. We like to bottle them up and ignore them. Well since learning that I have been trying to embrace my feelings and understand why I feel/think the way I do about them.
This weekend Robert was out of town and my parents kept the girls for one night so I could have a mommy night by myself at home (which NEVER happens!) and I started thinking about things that are bothering me and I heard God tell me to go to church Sunday morning. I said I would if He would show Himself to me and that He will answer my prayers.
I went to church (I didn’t want to because it cut into my mommy alone time), but I went anyways. The worship was good and the songs were about God being a Father and so I knew the sermon would be about God as our Father. I was like…God I don’t need this, why isn’t this sermon going to be something I need? Well, God always knows best doesn’t He? The sermon was about God as our Father and also about Faith. Wait hold up…isn’t Faith what I need in order to trust that God will hear my specific prayers and answer them? I have Faith don’t I? I believe in God and know He answers prayer…well, the pastor spoke on how Faith in Jesus changes our relationship with the Law, Believers, and God. Well, I needed this because one thing I have been struggling with is wanting a deeper relationship with Christ and how do I do this? My whole life I know about God and I know all the stories, but deep down I know I do not have a strong faith relationship with God. The pastor said to just go to Scripture in order to meet God there…I am so guilty of not doing this. I read articles/blog posts/books, but do I ever go to God’s Word directly? Not really? Well, that got me…and then he tied it together with God being a Father to us and He elevating us to be His heirs. He chose us…He made me worthy of His love. Well…bam…I needed to hear that too. I feel so unworthy a lot of the time because life hasn’t turned out the way I always thought it would and because of that I feel unworthy. But no…I am not, God chose me and He is my Father. I can go to Him with all my worries and concerns and He will listen and answer them. I need to have faith in Him and Him alone. I need to stop worrying and trying to control and change things…I need to just work on my relationship with Him and have faith that He will work all things together for good.
All that being said…yesterday hopefully marked a turning point in my life and I am ready to go deeper with Christ and trust Him with the BIG things that are bothering me and to have faith that He will guide me in how to approach situations and that He will carry me when I am anxious/worrying/being bothered about these things. I have faith He will answer my Miracle Prayer soon!
This Is my Father’s World
“This is my Father’s world, and to my listening ears
All nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world, the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white, declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought.
This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!
This is my Father’s world: He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.”
Until next time…Keep it simple.